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Creepypasta Wiki:Deletion Appeal/Archive 10
The Haunted Christmas Attraction Okay i know again a story deleted because of bad grammar, but i need help if someone can help me sometime maybe i can be better, i tried to make some story scary but it seem to fail when isame when i make really good scary story is refusedm but with help maybe it will make a difference. (Solonor1987)(talk) 4:44,november 19, 2014 (UTC) :Looking over your story, I see a massive number of grammatical (you're=you are, your=possession.) punctuation, spacing, spelling, and wording errors. Here are a few, I found at a glance. :""Oh Shut(capitalization issue) you're(your) mouth, Run(shouldn't be capitalized)",(comma goes inside the quotations.) Each line of dialogue should be it's own separate line instead of posted all in one paragraph. :Capitalization issues: Once again you forget to capitalize "I" and character names. I've already told you this on the last time I deleted your story. Please take advice instead of re-hashing the same mistakes over and over. Dialogue needs punctuation. ""Yeah you got it, do you want to go inside(period/comma missing)"", ""Not really(comma missing)" replied Malik, " ah(spacing and capitalization issue) you're really a pussy(comma missing)" said Joshua before leaving, "I told you again, i (I)am not a pussy",(comma outside of quotations.) "Hello, is anybody here", (comma outside of quotations) no Answer(capitalization) it seem to be alone(wording error), when the klaugh(sic) is again heard," :To be honest, these issues are prevalent in every line of the story, so I'm not going to give anymore examples. (If you want more in-depth answers, look over the other deletion appeals you have made that have been denied. This story doesn't meet the minimum quality standards we have set here. I am going to tell you this, with your next story, post it to the writer's workshop. So far, you've had ten stories deleted for not meeting the minimum quality standards. If you upload another story without making the least bit of effort, you will be given a ban. (This is your 7th time as seen here asking why a story of yours was deleted.) If you make no attempt to improve, your stories will keep getting deleted minutes after publishing them. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:58, November 19, 2014 (UTC) Deletion Appeal:SOURCECODE01 Hello. I have had my story deleted twice. Once for quality standards and technical stuff, and then again because I didn't realize what was going on and tried to reupload immediately. I have now spent well over a month on this story, and I think I have improved it a lot. Grammar, cliches, continuity, capitalization, all have been improved (except for the cliches :P). My story was caled SOURCECODE01. I will post a link below. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Aj8eTIM8ceCpg53wTViTm56PP0sq12R1w5lJkHPYVmA/edit?usp=sharing :It still has a lot of the same problems as it did back then. There's a bit of improvement there, but there's still a number of issues you need to resolve. 09:18, November 21, 2014 (UTC) Personal Songs My story Personal Songs was deleted on the grounds that it was "not a scary story at all", to which I disagree. The horror genre is subjective, but I also understand that doesn't mean everything could be considered scary. I do not think my story was scary, I think it is creepy. I believe (and so do the few people that have read it) find the ambiguous ending and mysterious figure do make the story creepy. Please reconsider the ban. Rebelflare (talk) 04:30, November 20, 2014 (UTC)Rebelflare :The biggest problems with your story are that even objectively, it seems incredibly mundane and it's more description than actual story. You talk about leaves, snow, the sound of the earth - cool... For 3 paragraphs. You spend at least 3 paragraphs describing surroundings the entire story describing surroundings and sounds, but what about the person in the first paragraph? What's going on with him? You had a good start. :But other than that, it's incredibly mundane. Beautiful words, but still incredibly mundane. I don't think this is a horror story at all. 09:16, November 21, 2014 (UTC) Much like two blades You have said my story does not meet certain quality standards. I can't really say anything there, I mean, that's your opinion, but I had my story proof-read before publishing it. I did this because this same thing has happened before. Well, as long as we're sharing opinions, how about this? Your WIKI doesn't meet quality standards, it's a sad excuse for a website. See this is why I prefer the ACTUAL Creepypasta.com, they may not let you post stories, but at least they don't get your hopes up. You know what? Fuck you guys, I'm gonna go play some five nights at freddy's, at least that shits actually scary. :First things first, your story needs spaces between lines as it results in the wall-of-text effect. Additionally numbers should be written as words (unless dealing with specific time or money.) :Onto the larger issues. There are quite a number of run-on sentences here. "Then, off in the distance, from somewhere in my backyard, which is completely surrounded by woods, I heard faint calling, no, more like weeping." (That should be two sentences.)"By this point, I dismissed any possibility of this teenager killing me, he was too mysterious to be dangerous (Nonsensical), like he wanted me to be scared of him, but didn't want me to know he wanted that.", "Looking back on it now, I don't know what I would have done up there, I could have jumped out of the window, maybe, but that would've hurt." :Punctuation issues. "Sir(comma) are you aware it's illegal to use this number for non-emergency purposes?", "I need help, will you please come outside.(?)", ""Have you felt abnormally happy lately.(?)", "In real life(,) it looked like a penguin, just missing the white parts." :Additionally referencing creepy pastas in a creepy pasta is Cliched. It doesn't make the story better, it just breaks immersion. Finally the ending needs a lot of work. The story feels rushed as well. I agree that this story didn't meet quality standards. One last note, throwing a hissy fit isn't going to to you any good. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:03, November 24, 2014 (UTC) Welcome Back Anger My story Welcome Back Anger got deleted and I want to appeal it. Welcome Back Anger is a sequal to my other story He Is Anger. Which means Welcome Back Anger is not a spin off or a fan fiction. Also, unlike He Is Anger, Welcome Back Anger is in first person. If you deny it, please tell me the reasons why so I can improve on my next story. Here is the story to refer to: http://pastebin.com/6ZC0VTuh Thank you for your time. (Edit) There is a cliche, so you can use that againt me if you want. Sacrid7174 (talk) 03:39, November 28, 2014 (UTC) :Additionally the dialogue/notes need work. "Dear Anger, I admire your devotion towards my death, but unfortunately for you, my death won't happen..." Who would write a note like that? (Dear Anger, while I appreciate/respect you trying to murder me...) Also, this may be the lack of characterization, but why would she leave that note and be waiting for him with a gun? (Why wouldn't she just shoot him or even avoid the confrontation all together? Why would she telegram that she is behind him with a gun?) :The entire thing feels rushed. "I quickly stab her in the leg. She falls to the ground. I hated her so much I dismembered her." (There is little to no build-up there. The entire story is his pursuit of her and you wrap it up in three sentences. It's anticlimactic.) There is additionally some nonsensical plot points. "Don't worry, with the help of Satan's Prodigy,..." (You don't mention this in either story. Who is Satan's Prodigy (Progeny?) and why is he helping you. Then there's the cliched "You're next!" ending. The story really doesn't meet quality standards so this appeal is being turned down. :Finally looking back at I Am Anger / He Is Anger, I can see a lot of grammatical (you're=you are, your=possessive), and other issues that were not resolved after the previous deletion appeal was approved. I am marking it for review. :EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:55, November 28, 2014 (UTC) ::The Deletion Appeal/Archive 8 was not approved and a lot of the comments Sloshed made on the article were not improved on/revised. It has also been deleted for not meeting quality standards. (Grammatical, punctuation, plot issues.) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:11, November 28, 2014 (UTC) People with animal faces Why was People with animal faces deleted? :As I have a little bit of time, here were the issues I saw after reading it. :Wording errors ("He claims to have shot the man multiple times, but that the man still ran off into the darkness, seemly (Seemingly) unaffected.", "A woman from New York, USA, was raped and nearly murder end (sic) by a gang.", etc.) :Punctuation issues. ("After they exited the vehicle to check on it(comma missing) a huge man with horns bashed the husband's head into the windshield and then ran off on "cloven hooves".") :Finally there is little to no plot here. It just seems to be a couple of instances of crime perpetrated by people in animal masks with nothing tying them together. There is no plot drive or conclusion here. I agree with WhyAmIReadingThis's decision to delete this story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:15, November 29, 2014 (UTC) The Cardboard Box Okay, it said my story was deleted because it was boring. I don't really think it was boring. Okay, it might of not of been THAT good, but I've seen worse pastas that haven't been deleted. :Saying your story is boring is not a very strong arguing point or that lesser pastas have made it through as we are actively doing quality control on those pastas as we speak. Your story is short, very short (even for a ritual pasta.) There is really no steps to this ritual other than take a mysterious box to an abandoned factory and look at a mirror. The reward is also fairly nondescript. (Your greatest wish.) There is no build-up or ritual (to the ritual pasta.) and it feels rushed. (This explanation rivals the length of your pasta.) It really lacks any detail or description which makes ritual pastas interesting. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:54, November 29, 2014 (UTC) Nickelodeon Nightmare :Your story didn't meet the minimum quality standards. Here are some of the issues I found: "In the summer of 2000, I Was(capitalization issues) Surfing(should not be capitalized) through the channels, Then i (Should be capitalized) found "Nickelodeon" I Was(capitalization issue) wondering if there was (Should be "were" as it is plural) cartoons on it." :So i (I) clicked on it, 2 minutes in(comma missing) i (I) called my family in, My (my) mother said(,) (")what?(") i (I) showed her the thing, There was bloody courpses (corpses) everywhere And (and) in the middle of the room on the show, it had a guy screaming(comma missing) "TURN THIS OFF(,) TURN IT OFF" and then a wood chipper appeared and a guy dressed in a red robe with blood-shot eyes threw him in and thats (apostrophe missing from contraction "that's") when i (I) turned off the tv and begged my mom to let me stay up and not go to school tommorrow. (tomorrow)" This is a massive run on sentence and has a lot of punctuation, spelling, capitalization, and grammatical errors. :I'm denying this appeal on the grounds that it comes no where close to meeting the quality standards. As for your tone, instead of getting pissy and throwing a temper-tantrum like a child, I suggest you work on the massive number of issues I found just by glancing at your story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:29, November 29, 2014 (UTC) 6-Tears-6-Blood-6 Hey, my pasta got removed literally a minute after posting it, I have been told it's a good quality story, but I am wondering of what was wrong with it, whether it's grammer mistakes or what? Heres the pasta - http://pastebin.com/WfA2tjtp ~ratman aka Chris Miranda :There were quite a number of issues here. Starting with the smaller things. "Me and a friend..." should be My friend and I. Minor redundancies: "...that would either show up as a ghost, showing (appearing) up and vanishing down a corridor,"Additionally "saturday" and "sunday" should be capitalized and you shouldn't begin sentences with conjunctions. (But, because, and) :Onto larger issues: wording ("His name was 6-Tears-6-Blood-6. (not going to comment on that) He was one of those weird creepy guys that constantly talk (talked) about weird shit, wit with the work he showed...", "a couple thing’s." and "thing’s change" (no apostrophe needed as things is plural and isn't a possessive), capitalization ("Models", "Fuck", etc.) punctuation issues like periods outside of quotations, "It’s a mess”. "“You shouldn’t have done that”(period missing)" and commas missing where needed. "Wait(,) wait(,) wait.. What?!?!?!?" (Additionally one set of question marks and exclamation marks work just fine. Adding more just comes off as distracting.) Also you are missing apostrophes from a few contractions. ("thats" should be that's.) :Finally there is some plot issues. You state the year as 2011 at the start, but at the end (in the news report "Two 16 year old boys went missing from their houses at approximately 3:15 AM on October 18, 2014.") To wrap it up, I would also caution against wrapping up a story with a newspaper article. Especially one that doesn't seem to be written like an article. "May god be with you all." (Newspapers tend to shy away from religious references.) Those were a few of the issues I found looking over your story. I would suggest using the writer's workshop next time for more in-depth assistance on your next story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:27, December 1, 2014 (UTC) What he was told to do --Spikedino (talk) 02:40, December 1, 2014 (UTC)After my story "What he was told to do" was deleted I looked through the quality standards and saw nothing wrong. Before my story was posted I had other people proof read it. Maybe a few spelling errors which I thought I fixed but no cap errors. --Spikedino (talk) 02:40, December 1, 2014 (UTC)Spikedino :First things first, the title is incorrect "What he was told to do" should be "What He Was Told to Do". It really has no bearing on the deletion of the story, but I thought I should point it out for future reference. Also I would suggest not starting sentences with conjunctions (but, and, because,) as it technically isn't grammatically correct. :Onto the story itself. There are a number of punctuation (commas missing where needed in sentences "At around 10:00 at night(,) an average business man...", "After going through what seemed like a maze of dark alleyways(,) he had that same feeling he felt at the diner.", etc.) commas/periods missing from dialogue: ""What the hell(comma missing)" he said to himself." :Wording errors: "He turned to his left and at the back of the diner(,) he saw a man wearing black cloths (sic) and a hoody preventing any of the dim light in the room ("to" missing) show his face.", "Once again he scanned his surrounding(surroundings should be plural) and nearly...", " When strange (sic) man was almost...", "man. (should be a comma to join the last sentence which is a fragment.) Who was sprinting after him and gaining fast.", "...around him poring (pouring) from his wounds which penetrated his body." (Also could use some re-wording as "wounds which penetrated his body." seems off/redundant. :Finally the ending needs some work. "Then he fell into his eternal slumber. He had broken the rules." The protagonist references the rules a number of times, but it just seems out-of-place and the ending comes off as kind of lackluster. I'm sorry, but this story has a number of punctuation, malapropisms, wording, and plot issues so I am going to have to turn down this appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:04, December 1, 2014 (UTC) The Haunted Santa Village Again my quality standard is bad, i really tried to maybe follow the rules, but is not easy i admit i tries my best to really write a good story, working at the sunrise in the morning same i am a little bit again sleepy i woke up earlier when i make this sttory, but is just i don't see when i make a mistake, so i waiting for maybe a little help in writing section, maybe i can finally have my story saved this time before is too late. (Solonor1987) (talk)20:50, December 01, 2014 (UTC) :Check your other deletion appeals for what needs work. Once again, it didn't meet quality standards and you repeated the same mistakes you did in the last six instances. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:24, December 1, 2014 (UTC) Poems from the Smiling Stranger After reviewing why the above story was deleted I must offer my sincerest apologies... I was planing on giving credit to the video and his author but, it must have just slipped my mind. If you un-delete my story I will give do-credit to the video maker. Thank you for your consideration. EpicBro Gamez Retchetpsute (talk) 03:20, December 2, 2014 (UTC) EpicBro Gamez Retchetspute :The story/poem really didn't meet quality standards. Smaller issues first, the poem really shouldn't be in italics (However if that is a stylistic thing, then every line should be italicized. (You missed one.) :Here are a few of the issues I found: wording issues "unblinking eye's" should be eyes as it is plural and is not indicating possession. "singed the Smiling Man." Should be sung/sang. To singe is to burn superficially. There are capitalization issues. "and (And) I'm right behind you." should be capitalized as the line above it ends in a period. :Onto the rhyming scheme, I don't know if you abandoned it mid-way or what. You start off AABB and then when you reach this line: "Haven't seen me in a while... I've seen you just fine. / You took 5,028 breaths in(spacing error) your sleep last night." (tenuous rhyme) "I see you all the time. / Yet when you see me, you cry." :On this wiki we have a tendency to be more stringent on poems and your poem has issues with the scheme and flow. (Not to mention a majority is taken from this song with a few words changed. All in all, it really doesn't meet QS even if giving credit 'slipping you mind', so I'm going to agree with WhyAmIReadingThis' decision to delete it. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:33, December 2, 2014 (UTC) Blackboy's Song My creepypasta Blackboy's Song was deleted for not meeting quality standards and I proofread it many times and feel it did. :First things first, with all poetry and lyrics, you still need punctuation at the end of lines (commas, periods, question marks, etc.) There are also grammatical errors. (your=possession, you're=you are) "Your (you're) doing something(,) would could it be(,)" Additionally that line needs some work. (What could it be?) Capitalization errors. Every line should start capitalized (as is in keeping with the rules of lyrical poetry.) :Finally some work needs to be done on the story. (There needs to be one, with a plot, conflict, and resolution of sorts. ) The quality standards for poetry on this wiki is especially stringent as a lot of the poetry we get has issues with lyrical flow and rhythm, rhyming schemes, punctuation, and grammar. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:56, December 2, 2014 (UTC) A Lesson Taught to my Bully Hi, this is about me wanting my story to be un-deleted, and I want specific details on what I did wrong in the story, so I can do some fixes. The story is "A Lesson Taught to my Bully" If you do check this section, thanks and please say what I did wrong. :Here are a few of the issues I found with the story. Starting off, don't start sentences with conjunctions (but, and, because) as while it is acceptable in dialogue, it is not grammatically correct. Also, you overuse ellipses. (fifteen times in a page and a half of \story.) Typically ellipses are reserved for pauses in dialogue and omission of words from a quote. Using it for dramatic pauses in a story is not effective. (Especially when a comma or period serves the exact same purpose and doesn't carry the connotation of melodramatic pauses.) :Wording errors: "Doctor: Patient 4325, Name: Kenny Woods, Age: 13, reason for solitary confinement is of (for) the murder of 4 boys."If you are going to capitalize patient, name, age, and reason; it should be on separate lines signifying a new piece of information. Additionally if that was what you were going for, reason should also be capitalized. :More wording issues: "...my mother crying and my dead (dad) hugging her.", " For 4 minutes(comma needed) the boy was struggling until I did the last pull. (needs re-wording). "Walking to the parent(apostrophe missing)s room, with the butcher knife, I sliced the mother(apostrophe missing)s throat," Possessive words need apostrophes. :However the larger issues lie in the story itself. A bullied teen murdering bullies is fairly Cliched and your story really brings nothing new or interesting. I'm sorry to say this, but it feels generic/cookie-cutter. We unfortunately get one or two of these stories regularly and it isn't a good sign when you can switch protagonists' names and have an almost identical story. (Teen is bullied by cartoonishly evil bullies, teen snaps, teen murders bullies.) The bullies have little to no reason to do what they're doing and some of the descriptions are problematic. "...it was... It was my 6 week old puppy. They then dropped it on the ground, I heard it whimper, then it stopped breathing." (Puppies typically don't die from being dropped, additionally, how did they get the puppy from the protagonist's house?) The story also feels rushed. "I jumped on him and stabbed him, he is dead." (There is little to no description there.) I'm sorry but I am turning down this appeal for subscribing to a lot of Jtk-esque cliches and having punctuation and wording issues. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:50, December 2, 2014 (UTC) Yea you are right, the bully thing is kind of Cliche, I mean it was my first one and really didnt think it through for the first time. Lloyd_Freeman 113 I wrote the story Lloyd_Freeman 113 is follwoing you. I posted the story and it got deleted. After that I rewrote, and it got deleted because it was under the same name may I please post my revised story. (Mikeydodaro (talk)) :Looking at your history, it is not registering that you uploaded it again recently. (Unless the last time you did so was in Sept. in which case it still had QS issues when I deleted it.) Since a review can't be done without a revised copy, I am turning down this appeal until you post it to a pastebin and link it here. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:00, December 3, 2014 (UTC) ::so can I repost it? Here's my rewritten story Lloyd_Freeman 113 Is Following You, may I please re-upload it? http://pastebin.com/XuFkxMh7 :First off, thank you for re-working your story and putting it through the proper channels. Unfortunately, there are still quite a bit of wording, capitalization, punctuation, and plot issues here. Additionally you should really write out numbers as words for formality and to avoid capitalization issues. "I waited. 2(Two) minutes later(,) he finally responded(punctuation missing.) :Punctuation issues: you should really utilize commas more where there is a pause in the sentence flow. "I mean really(,) why do people like posting random photos or writing random tweets.(Should be a question mark as it's a question.)", "One day(,) my only real friend (who I'll call Matt) talked me into getting a twitter.", "One night(,) I posted about a funny scene...", "Curious(,) I messaged him.", "At this point I, was getting annoyed.", "That was weird(,) I thought, but...". You also forgot to use an apostrophe on words that indicate possession. "people(')s twitter", "letters to their friend(')s house, when they could just text them.(?)" :Wording issues: "thing's" should be things. (No need to add an apostrophe to plurals. "I only had 23 followers mostly from people I barely know. (knew)", "2(Two) minute(should be plural) later.", ""I have to go." Matt said, and he ran of (off) faster then (than) I could say goodbye.", "She then called Matt's parents, and they were on vacation, and they said Matt was home with his Grandma." (Redundancy with and) ""When your (you are/you're) done...", ""He messaged me today on Twitter(,) how the hell is(sic) did he do that.(?)" Capitalization: Twitter should be capitalized. :Finally while the plot has improved drastically, I still found a few issues there. "They believed that something caused Matt to go insane, most likely he was suffering from some sort of schizophrenia." (Why not just say they thought he was depressed? Something caused Matt to go insane seems problematic. Additionally, why would Matt's parents leave him home alone while they went on vacation? (Seems rude to leave your son behind while you go on vacation. While your story has improved some, there are still quite a lot of issues here. I'm sorry, but I am going to have to turn down this appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:22, December 4, 2014 (UTC) : : : The reason why I said it was schizophrenia was because it seemed like Matt was going insane because he kept texting the main character pretending he was Lloyd. As for the whole vacation thing my parents have went on vacations before and left me with my grandma, I don't know maybe thatss just my family. I would appreciate some more suggestions because I have worked very hard on this story, and I would not want it to go to waste. If you want help I would suggest you go to the Writers Workshop... Boadicea the Warrior Queen (talk) 03:16, December 4, 2014 (UTC) A Knock on the Door The whole idea of the pasta is for ''you ''to wonder what was at my door, also I didn't know that there was a pasta already called A Knock on The Door so I might change it to Door Paranoia or The Wondering Knock. Also, it is supposed to be short. Oh yeah, my pasta is called A Knock on My Door. :Your story is short, extremely short. While can be effective in situations that use a scene that resonates with the reader (i.e. Rocking Motion) your story unfortunately does not. Someone knocks on your door, you lock the door. End. I don't know if I could even call this a creepy pasta as there is no mention of anything supernatural or amiss happening. (Just someone knocking on the door.) You spend half of the story (ten sentences) wondering who may be knocking (Neighbors, Gurren Lagann, etc.). You don't even check to see who is there, you just lock the door. I'm sorry, but there is no tension and the story really isn't told effectively so I'm going to deny this appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 12:45, December 4, 2014 (UTC) Always Watching My story was deleted, and I think it mightv'e been a mistake. I don't know. :/ Oomphalapompatronium (talk) 02:01, December 5, 2014 (UTC) :Starting with the smaller issues, I would suggest not beginning sentences with conjunctions (but, because, and) as it is technically not grammatically correct and gives the story a choppy/start-and-stop feel. Also ellipses are better employed to signify pauses in dialogue and for omission of words from a quote. Using it in the writing itself comes off as gimmicky/melodramatic. :Onto the story itself. To be honest, your story is pretty Cliched. (Rule 22 and possibly 29) You try and put a twist on it, but it feels like the same-old story with just a twist about guardian angels tacked on. This seems more like the foreword to a story as opposed to the story itself. (How is the protagonist privy to this information? What happened to them and how do we know the creature watching us from the dark has ill intention if there are no mentions of what it does or its purpose? Without that narrative, the story just feels off. :Finally the story feels rushed. It may be the editing intro you added: "My first creepypasta. I wrote it in, like, 5 minutes." or it may be the lack of any real conflict/drive in the plot. I originally deleted it for using clichés and lacking content and then the second time for being a re-uploaded page. I'm sorry, but after re-reading it, I haven't really changed my mind. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:26, December 5, 2014 (UTC) Raymans Limbs Hello, I can understand that you denied my story at first. But I have made major improvments to it. I have read from the creepypasta techniques, I have used proper grammar and there is not much more to say. I really would love to have my creepypasta on this wiki :). Heres the link to it - http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Raymans_Limbs?venotify=created LordVades (talk) 08:53, December 6, 2014 (UTC)LordVades :There are a lot of issues here with quality standards. Starting with the smaller things, video game titles (even fabricated ones) should be in quotations or italics. I would also recommend writing out numbers (other than time and monetary amounts as it is more formal.) The larger errors involve punctuation, grammar, capitalization, and clichés. :You need to use apostrophes to denote possession "Rayman(')s movements", "Rayman(')s Origins", "rayman(')s(also should be capitalized) arms", "Rayman(')s body", "game(')s case", "Ubisoft(')s exhibition". Also you forget to use apostrophes in contractions a number of times. "that(')s just a cover up...". "I(')M BEGGING YOU." You also insert commas where they are not needed (after punctuation.) "“NO PLEASE NO!!!!, (not needed) IM (sic) BEGGING YOU”, “NO!, (sic) MY BABY!, (sic) NOOOOO!”, etc. :Capitalization issues: "john," and “and (And) that was the last time I saw my boss(period missing)”. Also there are grammatical issues (it's=it is, its=possession): "its (it's) creeped me out" , "Its (it's) gotta be a glitch(,) I guessed.", "Its gotta be a glitch I kept telling myself." :Cliches involving shocking gore, sudden jump-scares, thinking it's a glitch at the beginning, and hyper-realism. "The blood coming out of the Raymans were more than photo-realistic, it looked real as if the developers got a real torture tape and used the sounds and video techniques for it.", "The blood coming out of my Rayman seemed real as it splashed all over the ground." There are quite a lot of issues here and to be honest, it is hard to write a cp involving video games without using those cliches as a crutch. I'm sorry, but I'm turning down this appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:44, December 6, 2014 (UTC) Sounds of Piano What was wrong with Sounds of Piano? I worked really hard on that and i tried to avoid many cliches as possible. --UksiHattu12 (talk) 14:25, December 6, 2014 (UTC) :There are quite a bit of issues here with the story not meeting the quality standards of the wiki. Here are a few that I found when I was reviewing the page: :Punctuation issues. Apostrophes need to be used when denoting possession. "parents(') house". Apostrophes need to be used in contractions as well. "wasn(')t" Also commas are missing from sentences where there is a pause in the flow. "When i (I) opened the door(,) there were nobody in (on) the piano.", "When it was night(,) i(I) turned the TV on and went to bed." :There are a lot of capitalization issues. "I" should be capitalized. (15 + times) Wording errors: "an(a) deep(,) dark", "an (a) forest." "An piano. An lonely piano", You use "an" when the following word begins with a vowel (a, e, i, o, u) "...before he leaved. (left)", "it welt (sic) really creepy"/"it welt (sic) really weird.", "and one thing that payed (paid or a better word "caught") my attention.", "and runned (ran) to (the) cellar with an (a) knife.", "i (I) heard somekind (some kind) of noise..." :Also I found some issues with the story. Mainly the man's dialogue. "He said: Be aware of creatures." This just seems unrealistic and a little too upfront. Additionally the story could use a little more description to flesh it out some and build tension. I'm sorry, but this story has quite a number of issues so I will have to turn down this appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:27, December 6, 2014 (UTC) Empy, im not very good with languages, i knew it would have some errors. How i would check my grammar in my next pastas? And also can i have the copy of it? ~~~~ Plant Killer I re-uploaded, after I got some people telling what needed to be changed, it's been a few days and I was told I was more then allowed to re-upload my story. But I got a message saying it was against the rules? I felt very good about this story, is there something I need to do, like going into my "edited" section or what? Okay, so I was told to do this :) Here is the link to my story on WW, not sure what to do next, but I did fix up the story, and changed a lot of things, I used a websites help called "Grammarly" I never used it before, it seemed to help.... http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Thread:389276 What should I do next?? :) Lilly R. Flint 19:15, November 8, 2014 (UTC)LillyRoseFlint :Starting off, let me say that I'm sorry that your deletion appeal slipped through the cracks. It doesn't usually happen but sometimes it does happen due to oversights. :Punctuation issues: "the teachers just watched(,) it was the only excitement they had during the school year.", "her(,) "I told you, not to talk to my boyfriend(,) bitch!", "I told her I would kill her if I saw her talking to him again(period missing)", "They probably went to a hotel(comma/period missing)", "Crystal said looking away(,) "That's..." :Wording issues: "said such cruel, heartless thugs (things) to her., " Lily'(s) parents", "but know(knew, past tense) she had to if she didn't,", "locker."Oh,(spacing issue) look guys. The freak(')s (freak is) back.", "Two weeks past (passed)...", "Have I been in a coma or (are) my dates wrong...?", "She saw the Plant Killer (plant killer) extra strength raised Venus fly traps (the Venus fly traps raised) up(,) "What..." There are also spacing issues. "...locker."Oh,", "...friend.The" :Comparing your original story to the revised story, there is quite a dramatic change. It has improved drastically. Unfortunately there are still quite a number of issues. The bullies are cartoonishly evil. Nicole murders Lily because she talked to her boyfriend. "Crystal injected the plant killer into her as Renae video taped it." Why are they video taping themselves murdering a girl? Also dialogue should start a new paragraph and each new speaker should start a new line. The story has come a long way, but unfortunately there are still issues with punctuation, wording, spacing, and plot. (Unfortunately it falls into the trope of "Teenager is bullied, bullies kill teenager, teenager returns with supernatural powers and takes revenge" I am sorry, but I'm going to have to turn down this appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:15, December 6, 2014 (UTC) Addicted Hey again , creepypasta wiki! I leaved the site for a while, since I totally forgot to check it. After watching a video on youtube, I decided to come here and see if I got any notifications. Surprisingly, my story got deleted, I don't know who did it, but I don't care either. The story was called Addicted, and went through Writer's Workshop and Deletion Appeal ( Denied cause it wasn't written yet, and after aproved ). As I was saying, I came here to check if I got any notifications, but I saw my story name written in red, as if it never existed. EDIT: Sorry if you found this text written in Plant Killer Deletion Appeal, I forgot to add a signature, thank you... I just want a good reason of why you deleted the story, and I will smile and leave.--Cascaval13 (talk) 19:59, December 6, 2014 (UTC) :Looking over the story, I notice some issues here that were overlooked when it was uploaded. First things first, ellipses are fine to denote a pause in dialogue or omission of words from a quote, but using it in the story itself comes off as melodramatic. ("... Pause here for suspense"). It is also more formal to write numbers out as words instead of using numerics. (The only situation this isn't necessary is for larger numbers, monetary amounts, and telling exact time.) Starting sentences with conjunctions (but, because, and) is also problematic in a story as it is technically not grammatically correct. :Capitalization issues. Opium should not be capitalized unless it starts a sentence. Wording issues: "I've never did (done) drugs so I though (thought) it will (would) be funny to try," The story is told in the past so the tenses need to be in past tense. "My friends are also having (have) boring jobs.", "At the end of the day, I wasn't tired at all, and I could watch shows even after 1 AM on Comedy Central Extra, eating some hamburgers (they were given as a gift when our shift was done) and then sleeping in my extremely comfortable bed." (Redundancy with "and", the sentence is also a run-on.) "he said the drug it's (was) called...", " I even had the sensation that I'm (I was, past tense) breathing easily.", "God is dead ,you're addicted!", "...they were (there were) babies crying, one of the Gargoyle (should not be capitalized and should be plural) threw one in the sky", "When I entered the room, I thought that the whole world collapses (had collapsed) under my feet.", "I work as a cop in New Jersey, and I hold up (have) a school for people..." :Plot issues: "I immediately took the drug package, on it was written: Czech quality. Effect duration: 3 days. DO NOT SMOKE TOO MUCH!" First off, drugs rarely come with warnings and instructions. Second, opium isn't necessarily a very common drug (unless you're a 15th century Chinese citizen). Did you mean opiate? Opiates are more common (pain medication) and have actually rendered opium obsolete/rare due to its effectiveness as a narcotic. The final act seems really rushed. "My only girlfriend was dead. I wanted to commit suicide, but I've changed my mind, though I fell into depression for three years." (What made you change your mind? That should be explained.) :As for the story being approved, Sloshed wrote: "You can post your pasta as it is, but if it gets deleted, then try the Deletion Appeal." He didn't approve it or deny it. He just stated that you had created a deletion appeal before the story had been posted. You posted the story and then I deleted it due to the large number of capitalization, wording, punctuation, and plot issues. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:42, December 6, 2014 (UTC) : Holy shit! A lot of mistakes there, no doubt... Anyways , what was done, was done. Also, don't exagerate by saying "large number" . The story was corrected by some users, if they knew english as much as you do, the story would have been corrected, and we didn't even had to talk about this.-~~~~~ Dream Estate Hello, my story Dream Estate was deleted. I would like to appeal so that I may edit and fix the errors made in the story, so that I can get my story back up. Thank you. MrMokona14 (talk) 04:04, December 7, 2014 (UTC) :Starting with the small stuff. I would avoid starting sentences with conjunctions. (But, because, and) It isn't technically grammatically correct, it's fine in dialogue but in a story itself just gives the flow a start-and-stop feel. Additionally while you use them sparingly, ellipses should really only be used to signify pauses in dialogue and omission of words from a quotation. Using it in the story, where a period or comma would suffice, gives the story a melodramatic feel. :You also use a lot of sentence fragments in the story. "No. That wasn’t it." (No, that wasn't it.), "An hour passed. Then two. Followed by three.", “No hope for anyone." :There are also capitalization issues. “Elderly Woman found dead, grandson missing, presumed dead.” As a newspaper header, it should be “Elderly Woman Found Dead, Grandson Missing, Presumed Dead.” While on the topic of headlines, what makes this story front page material? (They don't even give the woman's identity.) You mention the news program earlier that covers the murder of her husband which seems like a high-publicity case, why are the papers now referring to her as a nondescript elderly woman? :The perspective change is jarring at the end without a divider. :This can be disorienting when there are no headers/asterisks/or dividers to indicate a shift in either perspective. Finally why is the protagonist and his girlfriend being targeted? The first story takes place in the manor and there seems to be a tenuous connection at best between Henry and the protagonist. (They sort of knew each other at school.) If he's traveling through the mirror, why is he still visiting that specific apartment block? To be honest, this story needs some re-working. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:20, December 6, 2014 (UTC) Ace Everest My story, Ace Everest got deleted and I don't see why. The reason it was deleted was becase it was unknown of who was speaking. I got three people to read it ''BEFORE ''I posted it and they said they understood the whole story, I don't see why the story was deleted over one reading it and taking it down. There are also many other stories getting taken down after the first ten minutes of it being up for no reason but sticking with my case it's total nonsense why mine was taken down. I followed everything that I should of, grammar yet that isn't the problem apparently, scariness which isn't the problem either according to why it was deleted and I also got three proof readers that said the story was perfectly fine so why was it taken down? It makes no sense and in my opinion and many other opinions my story should be able to be put back up. If it's not I probably wont edit it and I'll post it again but rather go somewhere else to post it because I shouldn't have to edit a perfectly good story for your reasonings espically for the fact that it's my story and I do agree with the writing rules but in this case your 'rule' just doesn't make sense. To add on even though I probably don't need to I will be fine with the fact I get denied if I do because my story is perfectly fine in many eyes I've already showed and I will be HAPPY to post my story somewhere else where people know how to read a good story. Thank you for reading this appeal. :Your story was deleted as it didn't meet quality standards. Starting with the smaller issues. Here is what the story looked like in editor mode. You need to use source mode when posting a story. Your story had massive coding errors that changed the text the same color as the background, making it unreadable. That was fixed. Additionally you overuse ellipses. (15 + times is excessive and comes off as melodramatic.) You also need to start new lines when there is dialogue. Also, I would suggest when the author talks in three consecutive lines, joining them under one set of quotations to remove confusing about the speaker. :Onto the issues in the story. There are punctuation: "...how the heck he came to be living in a tree house over a police station.(?)", "I have in my hand inches away from his eye(period missing)", "When the male fell back(,) his other friends cussed at me and one went over and helped him up and the remaining one took me by my arms." (run-on sentence, also redundancy with "and") "I looked up with a crazed look, my eyes glowed and I punched the male in the gut and sweep kicked the other two males and took the needles out of the yarn I was using and stabbed one of the males that fell when I tripped them up in the hand, I did it with force so the needle went down to the bone but that’s when it stopped, I wasn’t that strong." (run-on sentence, also redundancy with "and") "I smirked under the scarf and in a flash(,) I was kneeling down on one leg and the needle I have in my hand inches away from his eye" (period missing) :Capitalization issues. The first letter of dialogue should be capitalized. "oops( Ooops)(,)" I said in a bitter remark," (You mean sarcastic?) “you(You) are one annoying little pest!”, “why!?”, “you looking at my ad?”, “you knit? Ha,” my (My). Apostrophes missing from possessive words: "My mom(')s food", "male(')s socket", "male(')s chest(comma missing) the needle going down..." Comma issues: "I ran(,) putting the sweater hood up(,) hearing the screams adults rushed in but I forced my way through." Looking over the story, there are a lot of wording/phrasing issues. (Try reading the story aloud for examples. A lot of the lines I copied/pasted showcase this issue.) :The story also comes off as the generic "teenager is bullied, snaps, murders bullies" that has become so prevalent that we put it in the Cliche list. (Bullied teenager? Check. Hoodie? Check. Suddenly becoming strong/proficient in combat despite stating he was weak earlier? Check.) Also, who is he talking to in the treehouse? Himself? Is he just expositioning his life story with little to no explanation/provocation? This story has a lot of issues and if you aren't willing to work on them, feel free to take it somewhere else where quality isn't important. This appeal is being denied. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:06, December 7, 2014 (UTC) My Friend Harry Hello, I just found out my story, "My Friend Harry", has been deleted as soon as it was uploaded. Why is that? The spelling was okay, I'm sure, I'm a good speller, but how did it not meet minimum quality standards? Is it because it was too short? :Smaller issues first. Don't start sentences with conjunctions. (but, and, because) It is fine in dialogue, but in the plot itself, it makes the story look start-and-stop. :Punctuation needs to go inside the quotation marks. The comma at the end is unneeded. "Aw, look honey, he's playing with his little friend Jeff!"," and "Your son has a cancerous brain tumor."," Capitalization issues. "Or at least to everyone BESIDES me", "Eventually, the word got out at my SCHOOL." I would suggest instead of capitalizing a word for effect, why not use italics. It is less distracting and is stylistically better. Also "X-Ray" should be X-ray. :Also the parents state the imaginary friend as being named Jeff, but you call him(sometimes using the gender neutral it) "Aw, look honey, he's playing with his little friend(comma missing) Jeff!" The tumor should also be explained a little more in-depth. I'm assuming it triggered hallucinations by pressing on a certain part of the brain. The story needs some fleshing out and a little more description. (What does Harry look like? How has he become sinister? ) The ending could also use some work. "It was almost like the tumor helped me get itself removed." It seems a little bit of a let-down. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:33, December 7, 2014 (UTC)